Are you ready to have your brain shoot out the back of your head? Are you prepared to, all at once, feel like a total ass, but also feel extraordinarily happy about the rest of your life? If so, then sit down, put on a helmet, place a stick under your tongue and read on!
Okay, here goes: Next time you have a hotdog with saurkraut and mustard, put the kraut and mustard under the hot dog!
Allow me to illustrate.
NO:
YES!
I know! It's so simple right? But it'll also change your whole god damn world! It's such a simple little rethinking of the hot dog, and yet, it's probably about the most important discovery in hot dog science since the banning of ketchup. This discovery reminds me of an episode of the Simpsons which depicts a band of pirates burying some treasure. One of the pirates off to the side says, "Hey fellows! Maybe this time, instead of burying the treasure, we could use it to buy things. Things we like." Of course, everyone ignores this pirate, but really, that's a pretty good idea.
I think this is one of those seachange discoveries that will define a whole era, to wit: The Underkraut and Overkraut eras. It's kind of like back in the middle ages when painters hadn't figured out perspective yet. One day everything in a painting--trees, knights, castles, horses--was all the same height; then some clever fellow figured out that the closer something is to you, the larger it looks and... PRESTO! That was that. You don't need to take any classes or compare a whole series of perspective-proper paintings to realize it's the way to do things. You see your first one and you know it's the real deal.
It's kind of the same way with the Connolly Theory of Hot Dog Reversal. You try one toppings on the bottom dog, and that's that. You'll never go back. You'll never again find your mound of kraut falling all over the place. You'll never again find yourself gulping down mouthfulls of pure kraut just to stabilze the structure of your dog. All you'll be doing is enjoying a better balanced, neater hot dog experience every time you have a hot dog for the rest of your life, and personally, I couldn't be happier for you.
Keeps the toppings in the bun and not all over the table.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 03, 2009 at 01:25 PM
This is reminiscent of the ground breaking discovery in Schwarma delivery wherein one puts the delicious sauce not on top of the lamb meat, but rather under and throughout the entire pita bread.
Posted by: Balzac T. Bagher | April 03, 2009 at 04:21 PM